Feeling Like a Bad Mom

I want to run…I need to run, but my son doesn’t like to watch me run. When I was pregnant I had this wonderful dream of running on the treadmill while my adorable child was bouncing in his jumperoo beside me, clearly impressed that his mother is such a good runner. Unfortunately, at four months of age, he is getting more restless and cranky as I try to get my exercise in. It’s not that he cries a bit-he full out screams at the top of his lungs to the point where his face is as red as a beet, wet with tears, and he sounds as if he is going hoarse.

This situation is stressful for me and it even caused he and I to have a terrible treadmill accident a couple of weeks ago. It was a typical morning for me-up early, getting my son off to school after feeding him breakfast and packing his lunch. Then home to feed other son followed by a nice cup of joe for myself before heading down to the basement for a run on said treadmill. I don’t know why, but I was feeling a bit anxious about the run, because I was anticipating Greg getting upset. All I want to do is listen to some music and work up a sweat for 25-ish minutes…to me it doesn’t seem like much to ask. I will admit that a few times I have raised my voice to try and get his attention so he will stop screaming. I really feel like a lousy mom when I do that. So that day, he started freaking out after only 9 minutes and I was pretty sad because I was in a great groove. However, I didn’t get mad that day-I was just distracted. I left the treadmill running and hopped off to see if I could calm him down-I still had my headphones on and was thinking about how I could buy myself some more time with Greg. I decided to take him out of his jumperoo and set him on the floor with some toys. I had completely forgotten about the moving treadmill at this point and when I turned around with Greg in my arms I stepped onto the belt moving at 6 mph. We fell on the belt and took off crashing into the wall. The instant I put my weight on my belt I knew it was going to be bad and did everything I could in the seconds that I had to make sure I took the brunt of what was to come. He was in my right arm and I stepped down with my right foot so I managed to twist my body to the left so he was on top of me as we took our ride into the wall. He did hit is head, lightly, on the concrete floor. I immediately called the doctor and rushed him to the office. Fortunately, there wasn’t even a mark on his head where it hit and she was positive he suffered no injuries thank goodness. When I got home I took stock of my own injuries. I had belt burn all down the right side of my body, a huge swelling bump on my left shin from hitting a box, pulled muscles in my stomach from twisting my body as I fell and my shoulder was hurt from landing on it.

We were extremely lucky that neither of us was harmed, but all the “what-ifs” continue to upset me. I have gone back on the treadmill since, but I am getting frustrated because Greg continues to get upset when I try to run, or do any exercise for that matter. We have no family around, no babysitter and he really doesn’t nap during the day. I guess I am kinda stuck for the time being because my husband doesn’t get home until after dark and I am not an evening runner. I have decided to put the jumperoo in front of the TV with a Baby Einstein DVD to see if that works, but that really makes me feel like a terrible mom. I’m just feeling so discouraged right now…

 

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This entry was posted in Challenges, Running with your kids, Tread mill. Bookmark the permalink.

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